i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
