I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize