shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
