There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All the doctor said was why
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
