what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
