I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
