If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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