He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
