omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
