Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
