We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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