Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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