Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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