i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
