Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
