Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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