i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
