after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am available for nakedness
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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