Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
