they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
