I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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