you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
