I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
