i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
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And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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