We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
