wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
