he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
