i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
