It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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