you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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