"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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