I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize