put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
