I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
