So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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