I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
