Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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