come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
