i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
