Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
