I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
