i don't like sucking hair
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
