I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
