it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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