Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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