My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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