you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
