It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
