Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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