I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
