Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
