yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
