im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
