I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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