so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
