you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
