my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
