It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
