HIV tests are more positive than that guy
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
