he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
