69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
