Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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