Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
