Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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