Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
one might say we're banned from that church
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
