apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
