Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
