Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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